We are writing to you with sad personal news. The adoption for which we had planned sadly failed. The mother decided to try to parent the baby rather than placing him with us. A “failed” adoption is always a possibility and we knew that going in. But in this situation, the mother seemed so certain even as of Thursday night. On Friday, very early – a few hours before we flew out – we got a message from her saying that she changed her mind and wanted to parent the baby with one of the men she believed to be the father. The change was so sudden that we hoped that she would change her mind again and we flew out to Kansas with heavy hearts.

We were in contact with the mother almost the whole time we were there, and we were able to meet her parents as well. They also thought there may be a chance that their daughter would still place with us.

The baby was born just after midnight on Tuesday morning. The mother let us know and even sent us pictures. However, she still indicated that she did not want to continue with the adoption.

On Tuesday, Chris and I decided that it was time to come home. We got tickets for Wednesday afternoon and got home at about 8:30 pm on Wednesday evening. Our travel both ways was thankfully uneventful. Alina did well throughout the trip, and we are so glad to be home.

We found out about this baby only one month ago. It’s felt like such a crazy roller-coaster in such a short period of time! Of course we are sad. We thought that we would be taking this baby home soon, not regrouping and grasping to understand the incomprehensible. Beyond our own sadness, though, we want what is best for this baby boy.

Our longing for a second child hasn’t abated. We are reopening our files with the agencies we are working with and will hopefully begin to receive potential situations again soon.

We don’t understand what God is doing. But we do know that we live in an Ecclesiastes world cursed by sin. Bad, unexplainable things happen even to God’s people. God doesn’t owe us another child; He doesn’t owe us health or prosperity or safety. Sometimes He allows hard things to “pile on” us – like Paul describes in 2 Cor 1:8-11:

For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.

We do trust in His ultimate goodness. He is a good Father and our adoption by Him is secure through Christ! He is kind even to undeserving sinners like Chris and I. He doesn’t deny us our desires because He is vindictive but because He is doing something that we could never plan for or expect. I don’t know if this will eventually be a baby for us but we plan to pursue adoption until God closes this door decisively.

So please continue to help us by praying for us, even as you have been. Pray for God’s comfort to us, His protection for the baby and mother from Kansas. And please pray that He would bring us a baby soon. Most of all, please pray that we would honor God through both the good and through the bad in our lives.